LET HER CRY
by BlackStreak1
Summary: As you all know the show is being canceled so I am writing this story to explain my favorite character Ben, and why he is so crazy right now. So many of you give Ricky credit for whatever, but let me give you insight into what Ben has had to endure after Mercy's death, it will be followed by a song I had from years ago written for a guy that went through the same loss as Ben.


**I do not own anything, none of the characters portrayed in this story or the stories afterward. This all belongs to Brenda Hampton, well everything but the plot.  
**

_As you all know the show is being canceled so I am writing this story to explain my favorite character Ben, and why he is so crazy right now. So many of you give Ricky credit for whatever, but let me show you insight into what really happened to Ben after Mercy's death, it will be followed by a song I had from years ago written for a couple that went through the same loss as Ben and Adrian. Its not easy on mothers who lose children, but what so few of you realize its not easy on father's either. Specifically on young fathers who literally did everything for their child, and who only got to hold them when they were never going to move. But he still found the strength to be there for Adrian when she needed him, and how no one can be there for him when he has no strength left to give, to her and himself. (It would be a real help if someone makes a video for Ben and Adrian using this.)_

**LET HER CRY by HOOTY AND THE BLOWFISH**

_**She sits alone by a lamp post**_  
_**Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind**_  
_**She says dad's the one I love the most**_  
_**But stripe's not far behind**_

She just sits in bed and cries most nights, and all I can do is watch her. All I can do is hold her and talk to her and watch her cry for the child we both lost. I can try and comfort her, I can hold her, but my touch only reminds her of the child we created and lost. When I feel her next to me I hold her, and I am reminded of the child we lost because I can no longer feel her baby bump against me.

_**She never lets me in**_  
_**Only tell me where's she's been**_  
_**When she's had too much to drink**_  
_**I say that I don't care I just run my hands**_  
_**Through her dark hair and then I pray to god**_  
_**You gotta help me fly**_**away**

I wish I could just go away and stop feeling this pain I wish God can tell me why, why was it he did this to me again. Was that night I spent with her really that horrible. I know it was wrong, but we didn't try to get pregnant, and I thought I did it right this time. This was my child, I married her mother, and I do love her, I know I should have loved her first, but WHY DID MY DAUGHTER HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE FOR THAT MISTAKE!

_**And just...**_  
_**Let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain**_  
_**Let her sing...if it eases all her pain**_  
_**Let her go...let her walk right out on me**_  
_**And if the sun comes up tomorrow**_  
_**Let her be...let her be.**_

Some days were better than others, some days she would stop crying, some days she would come into the living room and have dinner with me. On those days she would let me clean her, by drawing her a bath. She would put on clean clothes while I changed the linens on the bed. On those days I would get to hold her on the couch, and watch a movie and hear her laugh for moment, at something stupid on tv. Those days were the best, because on those days we were just a young teenage couple. But those days are few and far between.

_**This morning I woke up alone**_  
_**Found a note by the phone**_  
_**Saying maybe, maybe I'll be back some day**_  
_**I wanted to look for you**_  
_**You walked in I didn't know just what I should do**_  
_**So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry**_** for**  
**Myself.**

But it was the days that we remembered she was gone that were the worst. It was the day when I had to write her name on the death certificate. It was the day I went to pick out a coffin for my baby girl. The day I had to choose a tombstone & an epitaph for her grave. The day I had to pick out what outfit for her to be... buried in. The day I had to go to her wake with her grandparents by myself because she couldn't. But Adrian could do none of that so I did it for her. I could have let my dad or my father-in law, or anyone else do it for us, but she was my daughter and I would do it for her because her mother couldn't. Because I was Adrian's husband. I had to do it, because Mercy was our daughter and our responsibility. But dear God I didn't want to...

_**Let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain**_  
_**Let her sing...if it eases all her pain**_  
_**Let her go...let her walk right out on me**_  
_**And if the sun comes up tomorrow**_  
_**Let her be...let her be.**_

On some days I wake up and she is not beside me. I know I will find her asleep in the rocker in the nursery holding some toy or outfit that our daughter never got to use or see. I try and tell her not to torture herself, but she would do it anyway because she wants to punish herself, and she knows she punishes me when she does these things. She even kind of revels in the misery this is causing me. I don't mind I deserve it. I was her husband, and Mercy's father it was my responsibility to keep them safe and I failed. I did so much for Amy and John and they weren't mine, and I could do nothing for her and Mercy and they were mine. I am such a failure.

_**Last night I tried to leave**_  
_**Cried so much I just**_  
_**Could not believe**_  
_**She was the same girl i**_  
_**Fell in love with long ago**_  
_**She went in the back to**_

She came back to her old ways when I was ready to stop the charade. I tried to go back to work, back to school, but it was all a charade. She knew I wanted out so did everyone else, I was that obvious. She and I made love like we never had before. I could not stop myself. I needed her needed her touch, needed her kisses, needed to feel her warmth next to me. I needed to be one with her again, and feel that love we had. But it was a lie she knew it and so did I the pain is to much to bare. I want out

**Get **_**high**_  
_**I sat down on my couch**_  
_**And cried**_  
_**Yelling oh mama please**_  
_**Help me**_  
_**Won't you hold my **_**hand.**

She took away her memory, and got rid of all that reminded us of how she existed. Of how she was once ours, and of how she brought us together I hate her for that. She got to miss her, to mourn her, and I never got too. It wasn't fair, "She was my daughter too." I was in pain and I wanted her to be in pain too. I wanted her to feel what she made me feel, and I did the worst I could to hurt her. I was a fool to do that. I loved her, I was suppose to be her rock and hold her, not like others and use her. I made myself the fool to forget to make myself feel better, It didn't help and she asked me to come back. But only long enough to see how I was a fool to let her go, so she could hurt me just as much when she asked me to leave. I deserved it so I left.

_**And**_  
_**Let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain**_  
_**Let her sing...if it eases all her pain**_  
_**Let her go...let her walk right out on me**_  
_**And if the sun comes up tomorrow**_  
_**Let her be...let her**_** be.**

She was back to her old ways, and her old flame, and he went back to his old ways of hurting her. But I was back to my old ways of being there for her. Unfortunately she was back to her old ways of letting men like my friend use her as well. But I could forgive her, because she needed me too. Because I needed too, I owed it to her, I owed it to my daughter, I owed it to myself for losing the best thing I ever had in one night of anger, and pain. She told me she found another, I want to be happy for her so I found another too, but I cant' let her go. I can't let go of either of them. I know I should but I can't. Its so weird. I claim to love one woman, while I still care for another, and desire someone else, and yet I sleep with my best friend after burning down a school. I am still a love sick fool. Will I ever learn from my mistakes.

_**Let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain**_  
_**Let her sing...if it eases all her pain**_  
_**Let her go...let her walk right out on me**_  
_**And if the sun comes up tomorrow**_  
_**Let her be...let her**_** be. **

I watch her smile and I watch her be happy with someone new. I watch him hold her and kiss her something I can no longer do. I watch him take away the life that I should have had with her, and be the man that I was suppose to be to her. I watch him enjoy the love that lost from her, and I accept it. She is happy again, and as long as she is happy I can bare my pain. I have had to bare it before and I will bare it again. I have to let her go. I have to let her be happy. I have to let her live her life with him and not me. I have to let her have his children and not mine. I have to let her be...


End file.
